27-06-10, 07:07 PM
Hi all
Just back from the weekend Chelmer trip.
Friday I arrived about 4ish, to see Biff trying to storm the carpark defenses with no success, being thwarted by two padlocks. I took the obvious step of bullying the combination of one padlock from a youth group worker who was surrounded by kayaks.
I off loaded my car and my wife took it away, an hour or two later I had a tarp and hammock setup so we hit the water. Cue surreal experience number one; Biff and I paddled upstream on a beautiful evening when we met a party barge turning around, onboard were some very, very drunk business types. Because I know the crew I paddled alongside for a while chatting. I heard someone calling from the front of the barge and when I looked a woman had hung her boobs out of a window, I looked because it would be rude not to but I said nowt. A minute later the woman appeared in the window next to me and hung her boobs out and asked for an opinion.. "very nice" I said, what can you say?
Biff of course noticed the words "hung out" rather than "thrust out" and therefore was not too miffed to have missed them.
A gentle paddle later and we are back at the camp site and the Yorkshire contingent arrived in the form of Harley and Janet. Harley had a brand new "we know nar" on his roof and he was towing a branch of Millets behind him. Greetings all round and then we pushed his trailer, the afore mentioned branch of Millets, to a suitable camping spot... trailer, camping?
Oh yes! it appears that Harley is related to inspector gadget, firstly the roof of the tailer transformed into a double bedroom. Then he opened the aladin's cave that is the inside of the trailer, all manner of outdoor gadgetry lurked inside. First out was a jousting tent and a heap of "keep comfortable and fed" bits and bobs. Once set up he wandered over to laugh at my hammock setup pointing out, correctly, that I had strung it so high I would need a ladder to get in. Harley asked if I had an under quilt for my hammock, "no, not me" I said, "oh" says Harley "I have one in the trailer you can borrow." The phrase 'I have one in the trailer' was used all evening as goodies were found. It turned out that the under quilt was past the axes but before the industrial sized cooker.
We were starting to worry about Redframe finding us so Biff hit on the idea of setting fire to the whole county. Some huffing and puffing later Biff and I were loading a blaze with logs that we could barely lift, soon we could see aircraft diverting to have a look so we decided that the fire was big enough for Red to see, sadly a text then arrived, apparently his turbo was ^%*&^%. Bummer... so we toasted him with a variety of alcohol.
Next morning I clamber out of my hammock which is all of three inches off the ground, a quick look shows the fire still happily smoking away. We potter about until Petey and young daughter arrive. More greetings and hammock building (Petey's) later we leave Janet with her solar powered laptop from Harley's shop... sorry trailer, and her self exercising dog. We hit the water, one Apache, one Apache with out rigger, a Mohawk and Harley's Yorkshire boat the "we know nar". Very soon Isabel is eating Petey's lunch from his barrel. It is a stunning day and we tootle along chatting. One quick portage and then we arrive at papermill lock, we battle the canoes (portage) past/through a huge mass of tourists. There is a tea room at papermill lock.... it would be rude not to, so we have a tea break and chat with the owner of the tearooms. Back in the water we head further upstream, Petey has a new game called 'show anglers a pic of the huge fish I caught', clever things modern mobile phones.
The canal is wonderful, enough going on but with long stretches of peaceful time. The water is clear and we see through to the bottom and we see millions of fish, trees over hang and reeds rustle, moorhens and chicks gaze at us as we pass, we skirt swans showing respect.... along the lines of "could we get a swan on the barbeque?". A few narrow boats pass and we swap 'hi's' with canoeists. This is a cracking day!!!!
Finally arriving at Stonhams lock the smoke makers dig out the Kelly's and fire up. While waiting Harley forces us all to play with his prospector (the "we know nar") and very nice it is too. The return trip is over all to soon, arriving back at the campsite we move into the now smooth routine of moving boats as a team and we are back in our personal field. I am starving so I have my evening meal, then Janet offers us jacket potatoes and lovely they were, then I eat half of Biff's Korma, then a tin of smoked spicy maceral, pud was a pack of marmite cashews. Now, we are not expecting Red but Biff the pyromaniac soon has a massive blaze going. As we settle round it Kmac and Anousha arivve with a huge leg of lamb, Kmac builds a kitchen (I think I am under equiped in the camping dept) and cooks a wonderful lamb dish.... finally I am full but it needs washing down... where's Petey's Brandy... ah Petey is already topping up my mug. The fire is roaring we are glowing, laughing aplenty, a tad dark so Harley checks his storeroom and finds a coleman lamp which he has adapted to run by cold fusion and there are more confused pilots above us. Tales follow then it is off to bed, well tent, hammocks and Harleys new extension. Gently nodding off I start to suspect that brandy and hammocks don't mix, then I realise Petey's hammock is tied to the same tree as mine and when he turns over my hammock bounces, likewise he has the same issue.
For some obscure reason we are up early the next morning, I blame Biff although I'm not sure why. Isabel introduces me to her noisy toy then shoots me with a plastic bullet! It is glorious, the sun is out and not a cloud in the sky. Bacon sizzles and cereals crunch then we are off. Today we have a mega outlander along with Kmac and Anousha aboard. We set off downstream today, I wish I could describe how beautiful the canal/river is even the anglers wave as we pass! Petey and Isabel turn back as they are out of time. We continue on herding some juvenile swans until they get bored. Harley spots a cow paddling in the water then we are quickly portage the first lock and onto Beeliegh lock which is where the canal is joined very briefly by the river Langford before it dives over a weir and off down the tidal stretch to the sea. As we leave Beeligh toward Maldon I spot Biff behaving weirdly... well more weirdly than usual, then I realise he is paddling from shady patch to shady patch. Probably wise as it is HOT. We cruise past a golf course and down the treelined canal until we reach Tesco's, yup Tesco's. The bushcrafters amongst us turn up our noses while the wimps go shopping... bugger the bushcraft, Harley and I call for cold drinks and ice creams, and again very nice they were.
Back to the boats to retrace out paddle strokes having decided it is too hot to go further, we get to the shade of the ringroad bridge and stop..................... enough time passes and we force Biff back into the sunshine.
Back at Beeliegh lock and a matchless Harvey attempt to light his kelly, until a match bearing Biff finally lends him one. A party of walkers walk by, then they walk back past the other way muttering "a hundred yards and we are already lost," made us grin. Back on the water and back to Rickets lock, where the weeds are so dense the swimming teenagers are not actually moving.
The weeds are no easier to paddle through but eventually manage it. Like yesterday the canal is a wonderful place to be, ok I get rammed by a kayak but we both smile so that was fine.
Surreal moment two... Harley and I have to wait for a pair of copulating swans to finish before we can pass by.
Then we arrive back at the campsite and I am tired but still do not want to get out :-(
Much shuffling of boats later we are back at our abodes, some need to hit the road and they break camp. So we say "farewell" and "until the next time". Harley 'inspector gadgets' his gear until he can hit the road, followed closely by Kmac and Biff.
Beautiful location, nice people and wonderful weather. When's the next one?
Just back from the weekend Chelmer trip.
Friday I arrived about 4ish, to see Biff trying to storm the carpark defenses with no success, being thwarted by two padlocks. I took the obvious step of bullying the combination of one padlock from a youth group worker who was surrounded by kayaks.
I off loaded my car and my wife took it away, an hour or two later I had a tarp and hammock setup so we hit the water. Cue surreal experience number one; Biff and I paddled upstream on a beautiful evening when we met a party barge turning around, onboard were some very, very drunk business types. Because I know the crew I paddled alongside for a while chatting. I heard someone calling from the front of the barge and when I looked a woman had hung her boobs out of a window, I looked because it would be rude not to but I said nowt. A minute later the woman appeared in the window next to me and hung her boobs out and asked for an opinion.. "very nice" I said, what can you say?
Biff of course noticed the words "hung out" rather than "thrust out" and therefore was not too miffed to have missed them.
A gentle paddle later and we are back at the camp site and the Yorkshire contingent arrived in the form of Harley and Janet. Harley had a brand new "we know nar" on his roof and he was towing a branch of Millets behind him. Greetings all round and then we pushed his trailer, the afore mentioned branch of Millets, to a suitable camping spot... trailer, camping?
Oh yes! it appears that Harley is related to inspector gadget, firstly the roof of the tailer transformed into a double bedroom. Then he opened the aladin's cave that is the inside of the trailer, all manner of outdoor gadgetry lurked inside. First out was a jousting tent and a heap of "keep comfortable and fed" bits and bobs. Once set up he wandered over to laugh at my hammock setup pointing out, correctly, that I had strung it so high I would need a ladder to get in. Harley asked if I had an under quilt for my hammock, "no, not me" I said, "oh" says Harley "I have one in the trailer you can borrow." The phrase 'I have one in the trailer' was used all evening as goodies were found. It turned out that the under quilt was past the axes but before the industrial sized cooker.
We were starting to worry about Redframe finding us so Biff hit on the idea of setting fire to the whole county. Some huffing and puffing later Biff and I were loading a blaze with logs that we could barely lift, soon we could see aircraft diverting to have a look so we decided that the fire was big enough for Red to see, sadly a text then arrived, apparently his turbo was ^%*&^%. Bummer... so we toasted him with a variety of alcohol.
Next morning I clamber out of my hammock which is all of three inches off the ground, a quick look shows the fire still happily smoking away. We potter about until Petey and young daughter arrive. More greetings and hammock building (Petey's) later we leave Janet with her solar powered laptop from Harley's shop... sorry trailer, and her self exercising dog. We hit the water, one Apache, one Apache with out rigger, a Mohawk and Harley's Yorkshire boat the "we know nar". Very soon Isabel is eating Petey's lunch from his barrel. It is a stunning day and we tootle along chatting. One quick portage and then we arrive at papermill lock, we battle the canoes (portage) past/through a huge mass of tourists. There is a tea room at papermill lock.... it would be rude not to, so we have a tea break and chat with the owner of the tearooms. Back in the water we head further upstream, Petey has a new game called 'show anglers a pic of the huge fish I caught', clever things modern mobile phones.
The canal is wonderful, enough going on but with long stretches of peaceful time. The water is clear and we see through to the bottom and we see millions of fish, trees over hang and reeds rustle, moorhens and chicks gaze at us as we pass, we skirt swans showing respect.... along the lines of "could we get a swan on the barbeque?". A few narrow boats pass and we swap 'hi's' with canoeists. This is a cracking day!!!!
Finally arriving at Stonhams lock the smoke makers dig out the Kelly's and fire up. While waiting Harley forces us all to play with his prospector (the "we know nar") and very nice it is too. The return trip is over all to soon, arriving back at the campsite we move into the now smooth routine of moving boats as a team and we are back in our personal field. I am starving so I have my evening meal, then Janet offers us jacket potatoes and lovely they were, then I eat half of Biff's Korma, then a tin of smoked spicy maceral, pud was a pack of marmite cashews. Now, we are not expecting Red but Biff the pyromaniac soon has a massive blaze going. As we settle round it Kmac and Anousha arivve with a huge leg of lamb, Kmac builds a kitchen (I think I am under equiped in the camping dept) and cooks a wonderful lamb dish.... finally I am full but it needs washing down... where's Petey's Brandy... ah Petey is already topping up my mug. The fire is roaring we are glowing, laughing aplenty, a tad dark so Harley checks his storeroom and finds a coleman lamp which he has adapted to run by cold fusion and there are more confused pilots above us. Tales follow then it is off to bed, well tent, hammocks and Harleys new extension. Gently nodding off I start to suspect that brandy and hammocks don't mix, then I realise Petey's hammock is tied to the same tree as mine and when he turns over my hammock bounces, likewise he has the same issue.
For some obscure reason we are up early the next morning, I blame Biff although I'm not sure why. Isabel introduces me to her noisy toy then shoots me with a plastic bullet! It is glorious, the sun is out and not a cloud in the sky. Bacon sizzles and cereals crunch then we are off. Today we have a mega outlander along with Kmac and Anousha aboard. We set off downstream today, I wish I could describe how beautiful the canal/river is even the anglers wave as we pass! Petey and Isabel turn back as they are out of time. We continue on herding some juvenile swans until they get bored. Harley spots a cow paddling in the water then we are quickly portage the first lock and onto Beeliegh lock which is where the canal is joined very briefly by the river Langford before it dives over a weir and off down the tidal stretch to the sea. As we leave Beeligh toward Maldon I spot Biff behaving weirdly... well more weirdly than usual, then I realise he is paddling from shady patch to shady patch. Probably wise as it is HOT. We cruise past a golf course and down the treelined canal until we reach Tesco's, yup Tesco's. The bushcrafters amongst us turn up our noses while the wimps go shopping... bugger the bushcraft, Harley and I call for cold drinks and ice creams, and again very nice they were.
Back to the boats to retrace out paddle strokes having decided it is too hot to go further, we get to the shade of the ringroad bridge and stop..................... enough time passes and we force Biff back into the sunshine.
Back at Beeliegh lock and a matchless Harvey attempt to light his kelly, until a match bearing Biff finally lends him one. A party of walkers walk by, then they walk back past the other way muttering "a hundred yards and we are already lost," made us grin. Back on the water and back to Rickets lock, where the weeds are so dense the swimming teenagers are not actually moving.
The weeds are no easier to paddle through but eventually manage it. Like yesterday the canal is a wonderful place to be, ok I get rammed by a kayak but we both smile so that was fine.
Surreal moment two... Harley and I have to wait for a pair of copulating swans to finish before we can pass by.
Then we arrive back at the campsite and I am tired but still do not want to get out :-(
Much shuffling of boats later we are back at our abodes, some need to hit the road and they break camp. So we say "farewell" and "until the next time". Harley 'inspector gadgets' his gear until he can hit the road, followed closely by Kmac and Biff.
Beautiful location, nice people and wonderful weather. When's the next one?
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a cracking weekend had by me and the wife oh and the self walking dog great weather great time and good company could not ask for more![[Image: img1729ra.jpg]](http://img4.imageshack.us/i/img1729ra.jpg/)
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, 